Meditation is focused work with mind. Mind itself is the basis for our present experiences and for enlightenment. Enlightenment means that we recognize the true nature of mind, unlike in normal life where we do not. Working with mind is, therefore, about using refined methods to remove the veils that obscure our mind.
From a Buddhist perspective, retreats are intensive times of meditation (days, weeks, months, or years) in a quiet, remote place. We consciously retreat from all distracting outward activities in order to focus inwardly as one-pointedly as possible. This is a new activity for our mind, and it is not easy, especially in the beginning. Therefore, a defined daily structure in a protected and blessed place, good support from someone who is experienced in meditation and in working with mind, and a consultation from one’s teacher are all very useful for achieving the desired result: joy and surplus, expressing itself as compassion and wisdom.
As H H. the 16th Gyalwa Karmapa Rangjung Rigpe Dorje told you, and as you often mention, working for Buddhism will bring results similar to those gained from long, intensive retreats. Internalizing the Buddhist view, taking part in meditation courses, and using the methods in everyday life is, therefore, the main focus for many practitioners. Considering this, how important are retreats?
Any work with mind should lead to experiencing its inherent joy and freedom and functioning fearlessly with body, speech, and mind for the good of all. This goal is especially valid for retreats, as they produce awareness, the very basis for a focused life. By reducing outer distractions, most people can observe their states of mind more easily. One will thus give passing experiences less attention and learn to transform them. In general, retreats are useful for mature people who would like to go deeper. However, retreats may be dangerous hideaways for introverts who try to avoid life’s challenges.
Kalu Rinpoche once explained meditation like this, “Working with mind is like putting on makeup. If the one you paint is dancing, you might put lipstick on their nose and black stuff on their ear—it just doesn’t work. If they sit quietly, you may paint everything the way you want.”
In a retreat, mind should stay flexible. We should not lose our inner distance or overview. If interruptions appear in our intended schedule, they are best secured by holding the highest view. If mind keeps returning to the freshness of the present moment and one understands the Buddha’s teachings of cause and effect, one will be at home in every situation. Therefore, the results are determined by what one really wants. One may sit in a cave dreaming of the charms of the city, or walk through a supermarket and recognize mind while doing so. It is all a matter of attitude and maturity.
What is the importance of retreats in our modern world?
Today, retreats should be one of the three pillars of realization: view, meditation, and action. In today’s world, given our broad education and power of abstract and critical thinking, we can push whichever of these three buttons of enlightenment is relevant to a given situation, knowing when to switch between daily life and retreats. However, we first have to get our understanding of the subject matter right. Methods and view vary fundamentally among different levels of Buddha’s teachings—the Small, Great, and Diamond Ways—as do the expected goals. A retreat only becomes possible when we have chosen and clarified our level of practice. We then use the meditations that fit our school, instructions, and goal— and use them in the appropriate context of knowledge and activity. When returning to normal life between sessions, we should continue the attitude and train the activity of ultimate meaning. Here, the feedback from others becomes our constant teacher. While using what was gained during the retreat and investing the surplus for others, we refine our offer to the world.
On the Diamond Way level, it is essential that the level of our experience remains meaningful to ourselves and that the path and goal are convincing. Switching between everyday life and retreats prevents people with mental difficulties from becoming narrow-minded in their attitude, stiff, or strange because they have no joyful exchanges or cannot experience bliss in their meditations. In the West, today, staying flexible means integrating the conditioned and absolute aspects of the teachings through one’s pure view and massive good humor. When people hide from life and become even less able to function fluently, it is obviously a sign of incorrect development. People become moralistic through joyless meditation, causing major damage for this and future existences. Rightly executed, Buddhist practice brings more freedom to mind; it releases the joy and power to act ever more effortlessly.
What are the most important differences between group retreats, individual practice days, and open or closed retreats?
First, let us talk about retreats and practice days for individuals. Different forms of retreat are distinguished through the intensity of the practices and the frame in which they take place. The most significant difference between practice days and retreats is how much contact we share with others during the period—whether we make eye contact, eat together, or talk to others. While we may do this, staying with the general feeling during practice days, during open retreats we should avoid distraction as much as possible. In closed retreats, we should have no contact with others. One should seclude oneself from the outside world and experience oneself as a fortress. This is in full contrast to the practice days, where it is meaningful to share the blessing of one’s meditations and friendship with others. As I said earlier, before beginning a retreat or some practice days, one should decide how to practice, what kind of practice, which meditations to do, a useful timeframe (i.e. how many sessions per day), what one will do during the breaks, and how open one will be toward the world. This practice is not about suffering, and it is essential not to be too strict, ambitious, or self-punishing. At the same time, one uses the day meaningfully and carries through with what one decided to do.
As far as group retreats go, an important aspect here is to develop a level of shared, beyond-personal experience and to feel one’s bond with others. By their very nature, group retreats afford a chance to create positive karmas and friendships that enhance our maturity and improve cooperation in the centers. The meditations make it easier to respond fluently to others, experience the opportunities of working in a group, and understand one another. Common experiences then become more important than one’s own ups or downs, and gossip, funny trips, jealousies, etc., become a topic only when they really disturb the group.
A major goal of group retreats is to tire of our trips and discover the richness of space together. Afterward, we should also work to make the experience lasting. Sharing inspiration and giving freely creates further surplus and development.
Sharing similar views turns people into family, and since Diamond Way practices involve body, speech, and mind, unique and special styles of communication that surpass country borders develop. So far, more than 1.500 of my students have done tandem parachute jumps, and most who have blood rather than ice water in their veins and don’t insist on being unhappy enjoy such excitement.
How do we know if our mind is stable enough for a retreat, and how many days or weeks should we do?
One’s search for the wisdom to benefit others should be the motor. The wish to achieve awareness is needed here rather than the urge to avoid difficulties. A retreat should be done to reach, deepen, or celebrate some accomplishment; and whoever enters should be mentally stable and have an emotional surplus. Only after facing and cleaning out skeletons in one’s own closet may one fully enjoy a retreat and dissolve further mental veils. It is wise to see a psychologist and avoid retreats if one is in an emotional or practical mess unless one has much former experience and now feels able to work through some specific knots, in which case one should still have contact with trusted teachers. Trying to escape from something when alone or in retreat often decreases one’s ability to eventually master the situation. Whoever enters seclusion to avoid personal problems often encounters even bigger ones when “going back home.” Active karmas are not easy to shake off, and whatever is unresolved keeps coming back in new disguises. This is especially true if one lacks courage, maturity, or a healthy appreciation of one’s sexuality and body. Such tendencies become obvious during very long periods of study, such as the traditional three-year retreats. Whoever gazed wearily into space when entering them did not come out a roaring lion afterward. In such retreats, one gains meditation experience and learns the skills of Tibetan rituals. However, one is apt to keep one’s original tendencies, and big changes in basic personality seem to be the exception.
On every step on the Diamond Way, the maturity of the students, skills of the teachers, and quality of the bond are all-important. Less stable customers should not meditate in seclusion, or on protective or united buddha forms. Instead, they should use mild mantras and build up their strength in pleasant company. For beginners with life experience and stability who enjoy the rich lay lifestyle of the Great Seal, their daily guide will be a growing sense of humor, compassion for others, a search for challenges to master, and growing recognition of the absolute teachings in life and meditation. It is only when people are already experienced in retreats and know their mind quite well that it is advisable to go into longer retreats without contacting one’s teacher beforehand. Today, it is no big deal to activate a teacher’s energy field through an email or text message before disappearing for a while. In daily life, distractions are inevitable. Seclusion limits these and provides the space for focusing on accomplishments or straightening out issues with a minimum of unwanted external input. Retreats are also a gradual learning process. Initially, one observes how a day alone feels. If the experience is positive, one may continue and cut down even more on communication, strengthening one’s antidotes against meaningless activities.
For people who are already experienced in meditation, what do you advise about the number and length of retreats?
As with so many other things, it’s the art of what is possible. Everyone has different conditions and wishes. The 16th Karmapa recommended spending one or two months a year in meditation, and this is surely still desirable today. However, most want to split such time between meditation courses and meditation weekends. As a lay practitioner, one has to consider how to combine practice with family, work, and other demands from the outside world. Therefore, many successful Diamond Way Buddhists are on a “secret retreat,” working with the pure view in daily situations. If we hold the level of the Great Seal in more and more conditions of life while tempering our expectations with humor and memory, then we may experience glimpses of people’s buddha nature here and there—and still feel hopeful when they do hopeless things. Holding our bond to the lama who initiated this pure experience, it will progressively become permanent, and we will shine on all.
How do you know if a couple is suitable to go into retreat together? Is it important to do the same practice? How about having sex during the retreat?
As usual in relationships, one cannot set any firm outer standards here. However, there must be a unity of refuge, view, and goal, and no tendency toward discussions, which destroy any retreat. If a couple does not know each other very well and there is no real love, so much shared time will eventually become a torture, and it may be better to meditate separately. On the other hand, with real sympathy, being together is enriching, and not sharing joy at night would be artificial. As all buddhas have the same essence, and every meditation points to one’s own mind, the practices we may do can be on different levels (if not noisy). On the Diamond Way, the lamas and lineages invoked should be in harmony, and it is advisable that we avoid discussing any practices unless we have them from the same source. However, if the couple is on the same path and practices similar meditations, the blessing that arises from practicing together will deepen the relationship. In addition, we inspire each other when the practices are compatible.
We wish you mountains of joy and meaningful experiences in your meditations. The time for retreats is the most precious of all, and, for many, the most difficult to find. Use it well!
