The emotions constitute one of the main subjects of the dharma teachings. In the Vajrayana, we often hear the expression, “to transform the emotions into wisdom.”
Unfortunately, the translation is not very precise. We really should not expect that we can transform our emotions into wisdom. This wrong expectation will block our understanding of the real meaning of the terms. Rather, we keep in mind that our aim is to go beyond suffering. And to attain this goal, we try to connect with our wisdom and our basic potential.
At the moment, due to our mind’s ignorance, we rely heavily on our limited perception, which is compromised by all kinds of conditions. If we were to leave everything as is based on our impure perception, the suffering would be endless. Some may argue that there are joyful, happy moments and positive things going on too. But these are still rooted in attachment, thus incapable of delivering any lasting satisfaction. Due to impermanence, we always feel that our joys are short-lived, while difficulties feel more like our mainstay. But beyond the positive or the negative attachment is wisdom. If we connect with wisdom, and apply it, then eventually we would attain a state beyond suffering, and beyond ignorance. But even before we reach the final state of complete liberation, there are enormous benefits to be had. For one, we won’t be so affected by our emotions. Our emotions are usually centered around issues with people.
It is through our relationships with others that we get ourselves entangled. At times, we feel if we could only stay quietly somewhere by ourselves, then maybe the causes of emotions would not arise anymore. But isolation is nearly impossible today, and the problem would just go dormant anyway. Sooner or later, it will surface again. We are connected to people and things everywhere, so we can’t really avoid them. Our involvements with others are therefore endless so we have to learn how to cope.
The practitioners who have reached certain levels of realization attest to the fact that dharma practice is effective in loosening the grip the emotive causes have on us. It facilitates a deeper understanding. It renders clarity of mind. It shows us a different way to use our emotional states, the proper way. We then know how to cope positively given any condition. Our suffering is thus reduced. The results always come step by step, very gradually, over time.
To deal with the emotive causes and the emotions without bodhicitta1 as our base is an artificial and temporary remedy, much like taking a painkiller to get rid of pain. The pain will come back. It will not end. Likewise, without bodhicitta, our aggression or anger closely linked to ego-clinging, the source of much suffering, will also not end. Many people who are religious might appear kinder than those who are not, but underneath the surface, hatred still looms. The negative conditions are still continuing. One wrong word, a seemingly innocent remark, and a kind person changes into a very angry one. The conditions for suffering were never gone. Therefore a profound understanding of bodhicitta and of all our conditions is indispensable. The good news is, change is possible. It is possible to understand the meaning of our emotions, and their causes.
See The Cases of Our Feelings
We do not suppress our emotions, nor do we get rid of them. The emotions and their causes are a natural functioning of our mind. In the same way that we don’t stop a train by standing in front of it, we don’t stop the emotions by force. We don’t cover them up with our hands and tell them, “Don’t come out!” We have to see them more precisely. This means not conceptualizing about the emotions but trying to understand how they arise, how they are sustained, and how they agitate the mind. This kind of recognition entails more than a mere intellectual understanding because an emotion is neither produced by the intellect nor is it a product of external conditions. An emotion is entirely from within us, an inner feeling. It is a symptom of our ego-clinging.
Each of us feels distinctly that an ‘I’ exists, separate from others. ‘I’ will feel emotional depending on the circumstances as they relate to the ‘I.’ Therefore the ‘I’ is at the root of the emotion. I am happy, for example, means ‘my self’ is happy. So in fact, we have a chance to recognize the ego grasping through the manifestation of the emotions. It is really worth our while then to seize the chance when an emotion such as anger arises to delve deeper into it. What does this understanding do for us? It gives us the ability to know naturally by ourselves what to do. It is just like when we feel cold, we put on a sweater; when we feel warm, we take it off.
When we feel happy or sad, we don’t see the underlying causes of these feelings. We feel happy but we don’t see the desire, which caused us to feel happy. We feel angry but we don’t see the hatred that makes us feel like that. The next time when you feel upset, angry, or afraid, try to see the link. What is the underlying cause of your feeling? In the beginning, this is quite difficult. You are not used to it. Take the example of feeling upset because somebody said something not to your liking. You might try to be patient and not say anything. This is good. But afterwards, try to see where your dislike came from. What caused your disapproval? Its emotive cause could be pride. It could also be due to your expectation, or desire. This shows how the emotive cause may be different each time you feel the emotion of dislike and vice versa.
The emotional response to an emotive cause also varies each time depending on the situation. For example, the emotive cause of hatred could develop into an actual emotional feeling of hating, resenting or feeling uncomfortably agitated. Another example: pride as an emotive cause could develop into the emotion of anger. Pride could also develop into a feeling of happy pride or arrogance—walking around with our nose up in the air. You could explore your whole range of emotions—what their underlying causes are, how they develop, and how they subside.
Through your own observations and experiences, you will come to understand that your feelings are linked to the different emotive causes. You will begin to see the correlation between your emotive causes and the shaping of your perspective. This in itself means your seeing is becoming clearer. You are not free yet, but you will begin to get the meaning of ‘illusion.’
In time, you will understand why the teachings say your mind is obscured and that you follow your illusion. It is like believing in something unreal and then following the false belief. If you were drunk, or high on drugs, you would realize afterwards that what you had experienced was not real. You were under the influence. You would dismiss it as a distortion—in other words, an illusion. Similarly, while we are under the influence of the emotions, we feel that what we experience is real. Our ego-grasping is strong so we have to gradually learn to see the causes of our feelings, i.e. the emotive causes.
It is difficult to constantly be on the lookout, which actually adds unnecessary pressure. Try to look from time to time when you are in a situation that is not too disturbing. What are the conditions and circumstances for your agitation? Do not pick a time when your emotions are already proliferating, for the obvious reason that you won’t be able to see. In the beginning, your strong habits and usual tendencies may block you from seeing how your mind is. But little by little, you will start to see more clearly. Then you will get a different sense of how you actually function.
To Develop Our Awareness
In fact, recognizing an emotive cause could occur quite naturally. The problem is often that we are not really conscious of what takes place. We lack awareness. Even in the times that we are aware, we are still unable to detect the very subtle emotive causes flowing underneath. In order to heighten our awareness, three things are to be developed.
- First, do not daydream about anything other than what is in the moment. For example, when we are listening to a teaching, we should not be thinking about the fallen trees during a storm or the pizza we are going to have for lunch. We should concentrate on what the teacher is saying. This is the first point to be developed.
- Second, maintain a constant and correct motivation for being aware. We should appreciate the importance of awareness. We see awareness as a ‘must have.’ Without it, nothing is possible.
- Third, develop a relaxed mind—neither sleepy nor drowsy. We wish to develop a mind that is very relaxed but clear.
Any time is a good time to be aware of how an emotion functions, but some occasions are more suitable. It is when things are going relatively smoothly that we tend to forget about the small bumps. We think they are normal and so nothing is wrong. Instead, we pick a time when things are falling apart to look. Unfortunately, that is also the time when our emotions overwhelm us. To be able to observe them calmly is nearly impossible. We bring our car in for regular checkups and minor repairs. We don’t wait until our car is broken down to fix it. It is the same with our emotions. Don’t wait until we are falling apart in a crisis to try to see what is wrong. The training of how to deal with emotions should happen when we are mildly angry, or slightly jealous—we try to comprehend how the external causes could create such annoyances and disturbances within us. The energy of the emotive causes in fact comes from us even though the causes appear to be ‘out there.’ It is ‘I’ who is reacting to the externals. Through the very small everyday agitations, we will begin to see this truth. Of course, we could also be introspective when everything is going right, but generally, it is the bumps that make us sit up and take notice.
Frustration Is Linked to Our Motivation
Most of the time, we are actually strengthening our emotions. When we are not happy, we tend to look outside for the reasons. For example, we might think, “I am jealous because he got promoted instead of me.” We feel a certain way because of someone or some event. We are like this all the time. But we could change. If we look at the emotions themselves, they are not so important. And the external factors that we assign to our emotions are also not that important. In fact, every time we are confronted by an unpleasant situation, we can react differently instead of our norm. In other words, we can choose to be relaxed and think of others.
The idea of bodhicitta, or just being able to open more to others, is foreign to some people. They cannot act with this open mind, perhaps because they do not see any reason for it. What is the benefit of acting with loving kindness? More interestingly, ask what is the disadvantage of not acting with bodhicitta? The fact is, acting out of self-interest alone inevitably leads to unhappiness and suffering. We should see if this assertion is true in us and in others. The self-importance or self-focus fuels the emotive causes thereby producing stronger emotions and in greater numbers, too.
As a result, we find ourselves at full speed going from one emotion to the next, expending much energy and revving up the tensions that consume us. Satisfaction is impossible and we suffer. As soon as we get something, we are on to the next thing, and so the rush continues.
It is different when we act out of concern for others. The action does not require as much energy because the emotive causes connected to the ‘self’ are in check. Our desires and aversions even when aroused are not too intense. As a result, we don’t feel too sad when things don’t go our way. We don’t feel so excited when they do either. We can afford the time to think clearly, giving proper consideration to the situation and doing things properly. Tension is kept at a minimum.
Where there is no expectation, and where we have the interest of others at heart, there is no cause to feel unhappy. We feel satisfied in doing what we can. One of the excellent results of working for others is our ability to open to others quite naturally. The net effect is we are more comfortable with ourselves and in our relationships with others.
There are often different reasons for doing something. Ask yourself, “Why do you do it?” “Because it has to be done,” may be your answer. But your motivation could be varied. You may do it for your own benefit alone, or for the benefit of people in general, or for people you know. Accordingly, in each case, depending on your motivation, your expectation will be different. And an unsuccessful outcome would affect you quite differently.
If you act simply because you have to, then if others are hurt in the process, it is just too bad. You are not too careful because you feel you have no choice to begin with. The result is all that you’re after. When something goes wrong, you will feel very frustrated, feeling it is a waste of your effort. The same applies when you act solely for your own benefit.
You’d feel even more frustrated when you fail because of your personal involvement. You may or may not be conscious that your action will hurt others. By the time you realize that harm has been done, you excuse yourself claiming that it was not done on purpose. But, the effect of your negative action can not be erased in either situation. The parties involved, including you, will suffer negative consequences as a result.
When you act with consideration for others, and things don’t work out, you are naturally much more willing to let it go. You know you wanted to help, and so you did. You have already achieved at least that part. Your frustration is not as strong as in the previous two scenarios. Since you have taken others into consideration, your action will most likely not harm them. The possibility of a mistake is therefore much less.
Even a chore like washing the floor, or cleaning the house, if you do it because you have to, then you’d much rather be doing something else—something more fun, better, easier, and less boring. However, if you do it so that your family can enjoy a clean house or for your visiting friend, then it becomes your offering to these people. You will do it with heart and enthusiasm—same action, but different motivation: the ego-centered way or the openhearted way. The choice is yours.
In general, when things go our way, we feel fine. If not, we feel sad and miserable. When we are arguing with someone, it is always the other person’s fault. “He is not doing what I want.” In short, we want our way only. We have a Tibetan word that actually describes a different way—to always include others, and to be concerned for the welfare of others. We don’t have to take ourselves so seriously. When things then go a little wrong, we can deal with it.
Again, good or bad depends on our motivation. It is important to note that our action may still turn out to be the same—with or without our concern for others. The absence of self-interest enables us to better cope with obstacles. We are not trapped into fixed and narrow points of view. Things no longer have to follow exactly and perfectly in the way we want them to. This relaxing can only come about when our self-importance is considerably diminished.
Most of the time when we encounter a snag in a situation, how we experience it actually depends on us alone. This does not mean that things will work out if only we are kind and we keep smiling. Some people try to keep the mind peaceful by blocking out the problems. Both these views are wrong. We do not use bodhicitta to gloss over the difficulties. This is not at all the point when it comes to applying bodhicitta. The point is by being considerate of others, we are naturally more relaxed and the immediate benefit is that we could be more effective in managing our affairs.
Take, for example, a volunteer translator at a teaching. The volunteer recognizes that his work is useful to people who cannot understand Tibetan. He is happy to do it for others. He is relaxed and tries his best, and he feels satisfied. But if he considers himself a good professional translator, then he will care about the quality of his translation. He is therefore not relaxed, checking himself and thinking of ways to improve. Before long, he finds himself discouraged, and would rather be outside doing something else.
Bodhicitta Lifts Us From Self-Confusion
The amazing thing about the bodhicitta mind is that the emotive causes can neither disturb, nor change it. It is quite unlike our mind engaged in ego-clinging upon which the emotive causes wreak havoc. This is why it is so difficult for us to see clearly when we are blocked by our own confusion. The only way to free ourselves of ego-clinging is to turn our attention toward others. Then we will have a chance to recognize how our emotions influence us.
The next time you get upset because you think someone is wrong, ask yourself, “If I apply bodhicitta now, what difference would it make in how I feel? And how would I feel if I choose to ignore bodhicitta?” If you are not terribly angry, you can see your reaction in both scenarios. You will realize how effective bodhicitta is in deterring ego-clinging. It prevents you from being exclusively self-focused. It lifts you from duality—from pitting the ‘I’ against the other fueling problems, and the aggression and suffering that is an inescapable result. By engendering bodhicitta, somehow all the oppositions no longer appear as menacing to you.
You cannot think like the bodhisattvas right away. You cannot turn into a saint overnight. You apply bodhicitta accordingly at your own level now. You can only feel love and compassion at a level that comes naturally to you. It should not be forced. But if you can only muster as much as a single percent of bodhicitta, it will give enormous benefit. It will solve a lot of problems of the mind.
The benefit of whatever your actions, or contacts with others, are manifold. In the bodhicitta prayer, we pray that we’ll do as much as we can, in keeping with our individual capacity and understanding. It is not that we must do exactly as the bodhisattvas or we’d be failures dropped off the Path. We follow the Bodhisattva Path step by step at whatever our level is now. In this respect, it is simple.
- Editor’s note: Earlier in the book Jigme Rinpoche says that bodhicitta is “enlightened mind” or “enlightened attitude”—generally translated into English as “love and compassion.” He goes on to say that it is “mind solely oriented towards benefiting others.” ↩︎
